What If...? (Season 3) (Disney+)

Banner and Sam's friendship felt random instead of organic. Which considering it was the emotional thread of the entire episode, that's a problem. I DID like the moment at the end where Monica consoles Sam that Bruce was his friend and he corrects her that he still is. But there just are no real emotional stakes because I have nothing invested in that friendship.

Which is a weakness of the Multiverse in general. And I am aware this show is MUCH better and more nuanced and interesting than the shitty What...If? Comics, which were basically cruel torture porn scenarios in watching your favorite heroes die horribly every month. But I don't feel like the show is justifying itself with stuff like this. Better than shitty downer comics from the 1980's is no real dramatic bar.

I did not care for this. It's probably for the best that this is the final season. 2 stars.

Put me down with the detractors. It sucks. And I think the people who love it have standards that are too low.

Whenever a genre project tries to do a musical or Hollywood episode the question is always how many hoops they have to jump through to make it believable. In almost all cases it's too damn many. Both Buffy and Xena were the pioneers of the musical episode, and if you ask me they were practically the only franchises to do it right. In the decades since, no other genre shows make the idea feel organic or believable.

If a musical or showbiz episode doesn't fit comfortably into your canon, it's okay not to attempt it. Believe it or not, it's not a crime to NOT have a musical episode.

The Kingo poster was supposed to be this big reveal, but I guess I forgot everything about the movie Eternals 30 minutes after seeing it so it caused me a blank stare instead.

Watcher cheekily asks who doesn't like a cliffhanger at the end, suggesting this episode will be followed up on. But as far as in-jokes go, it lacks self-awareness. The only real thing I remember feeling about Eternals was that the cliffhanger ending, which is unlikely to ever truly be followed up on in a future Marvel Movie, pissed me off.

Cliffhangers are okay for serials. For movies? Unacceptable. It's annoying it's the HOLLYWOOD episode pretending differently.

I'm sure about half the people who saw that were delighted. I say y'all need demand better. 1 1/2 stars.

Cartoon or not, David Harbour and Sebastian Stan have great chemistry together. What's especially impressive about that is they probably recorded their dialogue separately.

They put in the dramatic and emotional legwork for their friendship in the way they didn't for Sam Wilson and Bruce Banner in the season premiere.

Didn't get the Rook was supposed to be Stane until the end credits.

I love that if Tony's parents had lived, Red Guardian would have been a founding Avenger. That's awesome.

So here is the deal. The show hasn't actually gone bad. It's just as hit-or-miss as ever. Its quality is inconsistent, and the good episodes only occur with good premises. That's good to know, and this specific idea qualified as that. 4 1/2 stars.

It's a really cool thing to revisit previous Universes, this time the one where Thor was unworthy. I forgot how cool it was that Frost Giant Loki was friendly and on good terms with Thor. Other cool touches include Coulson being alive and Thanos seemingly being a relative nobody compared to Our Universe.

And The MCU REALLY needs to do more with Howard The Duck.

Unfortunately, this episode shares the same problem as the Howard the Duck movie. A romance between Howard and a human is fucking creepy, and yeah, that kid freaks me out too. I also didn't think much of the ending either.

But it was good to get an update on Frost Giant Loki and Marvel NEEDS to do a proper Howard project as soon as possible. 3 stars.

The show is at its best when it turns the Watcher into the main character. He really ought to be, and yet his role demands that he isn't. But it's him stepping outside of his role and raising the ire of the other Watchers which is the interesting thing.

I am 50/50 on Watcher telling us ahead of time Riri was going to fail. If she had, it still would have been disappointing. But I kind of like the idea that in order for her to finally win something unprecedented would need to happen.

I guess the thing that bugs me is it's The Multiverse. If it ever WAS possible for her to win, there have to be Universes out there where she did, and without the Watcher's help. It doesn't make sense Our Watcher has never seen them. The premise of the Multiverse means they exist.

Hope this leads good places for the series finale. 3 1/2 stars.

I hope in the finale we get a better idea about the Watcher's oath, why it can't be broken, and the rules and though processes behind it. If the Watchers are as powerful as they appear, I would think the rule only popped up because some previous interference bit their group in the ass. I'd like to get a fuller story there and more context as to how that was even possible if they are as powerful as they seem.

I like that the episode suggested this was far-out in the Multiverse, and not a simple branched timeline. Out in the farthest reaches of the Multiverse all bets are off and shit gets weird. It's good to acknowledge that because this specific premise violates the conceit of the show.

The episode gave me the willies. I think I would have preferred to see the Universe where Ultron sang showtunes. 3 stars.

Probably the wrong review to discuss them, and I probably should save it for the review of seeing the Watcher's actual trial, but talking about this stuff an episode early is maybe fan speculation (or at least fan opinion) so maybe it's fair game.

But that alternate main title by the Eminence made me think. And I have a feeling the show will disagree with my conclusions. Because the Watcher is a good guy and only interferes to help. And none of his interference actually seems to hurt the Multiverse, which is probably what the entire Oath is about. The fact is, the small things he changes don't ultimately matter in the grand scheme of things. As such he should be allowed these indulgences, especially if they involve saving an innocent little boy or a broken young woman who needs to save her Universe. They don't effect the Big Picture or ultimately matter.

But maybe that's the reason he shouldn't be doing it.

Saving Rari and that little boy in 1872 changed nothing about the bigger picture. Hell, in most other Universes in the same scenario the bad outcome occurs. Surely playing with ONE outcome (or two or three) can't harm things. But if the other Watchers have it right about it being a risk to all reality to do that, the fact that it ultimately changes nothing is the reason the risk it too great to do it to begin with.

It's the parable of the baby sea turtle. I probably don't have the entire story down perfectly, but there is an island where hundreds if not thousands of baby sea turtles are hatched upon the adult sea turtles' mating grounds. And they all have to migrate from the grass far away from the water, down the entire beach, and into the water.

Seagulls fucking FEAST on these cute baby turtles. If there are a thousand baby turtles on the beach, maybe 15 or 20 make it to the water and grow up to be adult sea turtles. My numbers are probably wrong, but that's the basic idea.

In the parable I'm talking about, on a Pacific Island an old man is watching a little boy frantically pick up a baby sea turtle on the beach amid the seagull carnage, cups it to his hands, and run down to the ocean. The old man questions not just the wisdom of saving that turtle but the entire point of it. He think's its fruitless and a waste of time. "You cannot save them all."

And the little boy tosses the baby sea turtle in the water and says "Maybe not. But I can save This One."

Out of the mouths of babes, and this is probably the Watcher's entire defense of his actions.

But the sea turtle parable recurred to me because I think despite the Watcher thinking that's what's happening, the entire situation is different. For the little boy, there are no negative consequences to be had for his kindness. An old man might think he's a dumbass, but the kid probably thinks ALL adults think kids are dumbasses. The kid can afford to save This One because he has absolutely NO skin in the game. He never took a sacred vow millions years ago to leave the sea turtles be. Worse, him saving a sea turtle will not put all of reality at risk. Now the Watcher's actions PROBABLY won't either. But it's still risking the entire Multiverse on behalf of a baby sea turtle that died in all other Universes anyways. How can that be justified?

This is where my head is.

I am very interested in a "good" Ultron. Frankly, I don't think Infinity Ultron could EVER be redeemed, but that's why genuine repentance is so provocative. On some level you WANT him to be anyways, which is entirely wrongheaded after what he's done. But that's a good button to push.

I want to visit the Universe where carbs make you lose weight. Hell, I NEED to visit it.

I suspect in the series finale the show will come to a different conclusion than I have and suggest the Watcher's actions are morally fine. My speculation and opinion is they actually aren't. They change almost nothing, put the Multiverse at risk, with absolutely no benefit to anything but The Watcher's Feels. I am prepared to disagree with the show here. Because he isn't just a Pacific Island boy saving a baby sea turtle. The potential risks to what he is doing is far greater, and not something that should ever be tolerated. 5 stars.

I definitely liked the Epilogue and thought it was filled with the proper amount of beauty and wonder. But I was disappointed the preceding 25 minutes were just a slugfest.

I was really hoping there was a larger reason the Watcher was in trouble, or that his mission and powers gave him some moral responsibility to not change things for fear of damaging the Multiverse. It would be an interesting controversy to explore if Uatu wasn't entirely right.

Instead, the other Watchers' insistent on noninterference is essentially down to fundamentalist dogma. Did not love the heroes being called heretics. Making that the actual problem makes it no controversy at all, and the episode and the premise is instantly less interesting to me.

Most superhero fans watch superhero shows and movies for the slugfests. For me, I watch them for the same reason I watch ALL TV shows and movies: For the drama. The episode definitely fulfilled the fandom obligations of the former. But that bit never interests me. It failed on the thing that actually does which is a disappointment for a series finale. It's also why I ultimately think most superhero projects are usually unfulfilling. There are exceptions, but I don't think most of this stuff understands the value of drama. The MCU itself has been getting further and further away from that and it makes me sad. 3 stars.