2001: A Space Odyssey

This was a good reminder why I don't tend to review old or classic movies.

Normally for my reviews I worry about saying something new, and having an insight that no-one else has had yet. That was not the case here. I saw this a long time ago, and I'm willing to bet no-one has managed to say anything new or interesting about it in maybe 30 years. That wasn't my problem. My problem is that I don't feel like anything I say could possibly do that justice. That defies a critical review and destroys every last ounce of film cynicism I have left. I'm not Jodie Foster and whining afterwards that they shoulda sent a poet. But damn it, I'm not better than this film, and I don't feel like judging it like I am, which is essentially all critical reviews boil down to. I can talk about some things I didn't like for sure, but whatever I think about this film doesn't matter. At all. Your opinion doesn't matter either. I suspect Stanley Kubrick's opinion stopped mattering a LONG time ago too if I'm being honest.

Let me do a full mea culpa about my cynicism in reviewing "classic" stuff. I haven't actually reviewed any Shakespeare plays, but I have been known to opine elsewhere that the guy literally invented plot-related stupidity. Going forward in time to TV, as much as I love the original Star Trek, I think its actual quality is super shady. Like I only believe two episodes during its entire run deserved five stars (The City On The Edge Of Forever and The Trouble With Tribbles). I love talking crap about and knocking down Sacred Cows. It would be totally on-brand for me to give this less than five stars.

But that would suggest the movie is worse than it is. Five stars is the easy, safe, predictable grade, but I can't think of a single reason not to give it.

I see a lot of Twin Peaks in the movie, and I suspect David Lynch was a huge fan. The white room at the end is VERY similar to the Red Room, and the trippy images that Dave floats through on the way to Jupiter are the kinds of eye-popping visuals Lynch did in "Got A Light?" (albeit in black and white there instead of eye-popping color). I might have been more annoyed than I am at the inexplicable non-ending. Except I remember 2010, and reading part of the first book. Both the sequel and the novels suggest there are answers the movie itself doesn't share. And knowing that makes the mysteries okay to me. Whether I get to the books or not, knowing there is a rhyme or reason to that insane ending helps because it makes me question what it is. The ending is not just random nonsense, which is another reason I loved Twin Peaks so much.

I am a little disappointed and surprised that Hal's psychological neuroses seemed to have nothing to do with the Jupiter mission or the Monolith. Him going nuts was just a major inconvenience at the worst possible time. Let me also offer a weird opinion (considering that Hal is a remorseless murderer). Before he was, I think it sounded a bit illogical for Dave and Frank to want to disconnect him because he made an error. Obviously, Hal's insanity shows they were right to be thinking along these lines, but if Hal were really harmless it would be a dumb move.

I said I don't think I'll have any new observations. Here's one I don't know if anyone's pointed out before. But Dave and Hal are completely unevenly matched. For a computer that kills the entire crew, once Dave learns there is something wrong with Hal, he dispatches of him relatively easily. In fact, Hal's physical weaknesses are SO readily apparent that Hal goes into the bargaining stage of grief immediately upon Dave surviving the space walk because there is literally nothing else to be done. Hal, do you know when the bargaining stage might have gained you something? Before you freaking killed the rest of the crew! But for one of cinema's supposedly greatest villains, Dave Bowman shuts him down good and fast and with little drama.

I like that Dave is such a badass he doesn't say a single word while he's destroying Hal. Except when he tells Hal he wants to hear the song. That is genuine compassion in an unexpected place so I loved it.

Do I actually love everything in the movie? No. I imagine this HAS been pointed out elsewhere (the movie has been talked to death) but Dave Bowman really doesn't have much of a personality. That's true for all of the humans in the movie. In fact, for such a famous screen villain, Hal himself is rather droll too.

That Starchild creeps me out. Whatever else I want to compliment the movie on, I dislike the very last shot in hindsight. That thing was Uncanny Valley 30 years before the advent of computer animation.

I have noted elsewhere I will never, ever return to a theater for any reason. But this was probably really cool to see on the big screen back in the day. Not just for the trippy "Head" ending. But all of the Kubrick wide-angle lens shots. You also wouldn't look twice at these sci-fi visual effects today, which is pretty much the highest compliment I can give a sci-fi movie from the late 1960's. None of it looks spectacular compared to CGI space battles from modern Star Wars and Marvel movies and the like. What it doesn't look is fake, which is completely unlike every other sci-fi project of the era. There were one or two shots I could easily tell were models. For everything else it was perfectly credible from a modern standpoint.

For a movie set in outer space, the color palette Kubrick uses is quite rich. I like that about it.

Something that didn't quite work, but that wasn't a visual effect per se. I don't feel like Kubrick was able to board the gravity boots and the antigrav scenes as well as he wanted to. The techniques just simply weren't there in the end, and much of it is clearly wirework.

The main title is probably one of the best main titles in cinema history. The Dawn Of Man stuff is weird, and on a very real level off-putting, but it led to that great, famous, iconic transition shot of the bone to the space station. And while we're speaking of credible visual effects, it's weird how passable the early man monkeys are. You look at the fake masks from Planet Of The Apes from this era and it puts them to shame. Again, not amazing by today's standard's (because now we have Andy Serkis). But it's actually perfectly fine and credible which is crazy for a film made in the 1960's.

I can't believe HBO Max included the intermission. Not to mention the complete Danube Waltz after the end credits. Even with those things the movie still isn't quite 2 and half hours long. It amazes me that audiences needed an intermission for that. Granted The Lord Of Rings just about killed me every movie, but I dealt with it. People in the 1960's were lightweights.

I like talking about the David Lynch comparisons. I like the talking scenes on the space station where everyone is talking about an epidemic as a cover-up to what is happening. You only get bits and pieces of the conspiracy which is why it's interesting. I also noticed that when Floyd is talking to his daughter, he sounds like a fake 50's sitcom Dad, while he daughter, clearly a real toddler and unprofessional actress, behaves like a real kid. I don't know if those incongruities were deliberate on Kubrick's end (it may not have been; Kubrick might have preferred a quieter, more compliant kid and couldn't find one) but it felt very cool to me in good way.

And yes the Big Business types all talk like guys out of 50's film reels. Dave and Frank talk that real people, or at least people who would pass for credible in modern cinema. Another nice touch.

This is probably the most hardcore G-rated movie ever. It would get a hard PG-13 if released in 2022.

That was amazing, and I can't wait to rewatch the sequel (which I remember really loving). Those are my random thoughts about the movie that frankly aren't worth a tin poo. Nothing I said in this review was noteworthy or something I am proud of and can't wait for people to read. This specific movie defies criticism and reviewing. And in doing so, I feel a lot smaller than I usually do when judging lesser projects. This review is not worthy of this film and I don't think any review really is. *****.