Jurassic Park III

Bold opinion: Of the three original Jurassic Park movies, the third one is the best.

For starters it's MUCH shorter than the others, and nothing feels padded. And while Jurassic World was sort of thought to be the first bonafide action flick of the franchise, the third movie is far more of an action movie than the other two. Not on the level of Jurassic World. But there is nonstop momentum in the movie that feels more in line with the Jurassic World movies than the other Park ones.

You have Alan Grant speaking to Raptors through a hollow throat bone whistle built by the earliest example of a 3-D printer I've ever seen on film, and it's STILL not the least credible thing in the picture. No, the thing that made me throw up my hands and say "Yeah, right!" was the movie trying to convince me a dork like William H. Macy ever had a shot with a knock-out like Tea Leoni. The irony is Leoni's break-out role (in the underrated sitcom gem Flying Blind) involved her being snagged by a nerd for whom she was miles out of his league. But it says something about how much of a loser Macy seems that Corey Parker seems like a more believable pairing for her. I don't get it either.

I don't know how well modern audiences will react to the Barney bit, but that definitely killed back in the day. And since Barney isn't really a thing anymore I don't think kids who see the movie now will get how genius it is. Back when this movie hit Barney was the go-to hated kids shows for parents. None of the parents could stand the character, and his show was shockingly cheap, badly-acted, written, and produced considering how much money he wound up making The Lyons Company. (This is also a complaint you could level against the Power Rangers, but one parental nightmare at a time). I don't think Barney was ever quite as damaging to kids themselves as Caillou wound up being. But he annoyed parents so damn much because not only did they hate him, their kids loved him unreservedly. I think kids get overly addicted to Caillou, but I don't think they love the character himself. For good reason. He's a bonafide sociopath. For parents, one of the things they hated most about Barney was that their kids often seemed to like him more than they liked them. Caillou was definitely more psychologically damaging to kids. I think Barney was far more psychologically damaging to parents.

And the idea that the fate of the heroes in the movie might be down to a kid walking away from Barney the Dinosaur was this movie Meeting The Pop-Culture Moment. It would have brought down the house even IF the movie's premise wasn't dinosaurs. Since it actually is, it's purely perfect.

Sort of a shame that Ellie and Alan didn't wind up together, but I like that they are still good friends.

I like Eric telling Alan not to ask where he got the T-Rex pee. I like that because it's probably a fabulous story. But probably not as fabulous in reality as it is in my head. It's good my head idea was not ever knocked out of canon. I always say I approve of this kind of storytelling in most of my reviews, and I totally do here too.

Billy's redemption arc was sort of rewarding to me upon learning he survived after all. Alan will not just be able to tell Ellie how much he appreciates her. He can make amends to this brave kid who worships him that he said a mean thing to. I love that.

Alan's books were better when he liked dinosaurs. Makes sense. They are also better than Malcolm's. Also totally believable. It IS very interesting that he no longer likes dinosaurs. But I don't blame him one bit.

First Jurassic movie to show the Raptors being reasoned with. The World movies really seemed to love the idea, and sort of based Chris Pratt's entire character around it.

No lie. I pretty much love it. I was disappointed rewatching the first film, and outright hated the second. This was great. ****1/2.