Predator 2

We'll get to to that. Believe me that a conversation shall be had there.

But before I give that the shitty review it so richly deserves I want to point out how ill-advised the film was. Even if it were good I don't approve of it. The premise is great. What if a Predator was loose in L.A. in the very near future?

The problem is it's the second fucking movie! The franchise has hardly run out of gas enough to do something like that. Going against the initial grain so much is something a franchise should only do once it has a few movies tucked under its belt. Too soon.

But it doesn't really matter because the film is awful.

To be truthful the second half is better than the first (marginally) but it still sucks, and doesn't make me forgive the first half.

What's the problem?

For starters the movie is fucking racist! It's essentially rightwing apologia for the militarization of the police and the elimination of due process. It feeds on the fear early 90's white people had of street gangs and suggests utter anarchy was in the country's near future because of them. Which was bullshit, and not just because we know it didn't come true. It's a message designed to other and divide the disenfranchised and sow fear and distrust of different colored people to the white audiences this movie is pandering to. God, Morton Downey Jr? Could that casting be MORE on the nose for political tone deafness? Oh, wait. Robert Davi is here too. Because of course he is.

The fact that the lead cop is Black does not change the racist undercurrent running throughout the entire movie.

The first Predator was extremely well-made. Well acted, with if not snappy dialogue, than at least believable dialogue, said by credible characters. This is all pure cop-drama cliches. I sensed comradery and believable solidarity among the mercenaries of the first film. Everyone here is such an 80's brand emo cop instead. It's unfathomable to me this has the same screenwriters as the first film. I can say "Well, the quality of actors isn't quite as good this time out." But that doesn't remotely explain the racism, or why the overlong climax winds up tedious instead of exciting. It doesn't make sense to me.

What really upsets me is knowing how shitty the Predator franchise is compared to the Alien franchise. Predator has good movies in its canon, but NONE of the Alien films are ever this bad, and even the ones I don't like are relatively consistent qualitywise. Why does that bother me?

Because I like the premise of Predator more. By a lot.

The fact that the Xenomorph's entire goal is to simply kill everything that isn't it just doesn't do much for me when it comes to narratively satisfying me. I don't approve of the Predator speaking in this film (it humanizes him TOO much) but the thing I prefer about fighting the Predator is it's motivations are solid. It's sentient. This is a sport for him. And the good news and fascinating thing about the Predator is sports have rules. The little kid's gun isn't real? The Predator leaves him alone. The lady cop is pregnant? She's allowed to live. Once Harrigan has killed the Predator and a whole bunch of other Predators show up (gulp!) none of them continue the hunt because Mike won it fair and square and is even given a trophy for that. It's a cool moment that deserves a better film.

Speaking of both the little kid and the film sucking, there is no believable scenario on Earth the kid would offer the invisible Predator a candy bar. This era of film routinely had dumbshit scenes like that infecting movies that people other than me insist are good, but I just want to say it's actually badly written bullshit I do not tolerate.

I noticed the Xenomorph Skeleton in the trophy room. Can't lie and say I didn't really like that bit.

All that nuance make the Predators interesting to me. It bothers me this film sucks so much.

But yeah, it's atrocious. 0.

Hard Core Segments

Generally speaking, when I review a movie I own on Digital, I only review deleted scenes, bloopers, trailers, and promotional material. I save reviewing featurettes and behind the scenes documentaries for my Blu-Ray reviews. The closest thing to Deleted Scenes present for this movie are the two full length Hard Core reports by Morton Downey Jr, we saw bits and pieces of in the film. I knew I would hate these and I was right. There is nothing about this movie that isn't raw sewage. Both: 0.

Hard Core Special Report: City At War

There is a legit argument to be made that Morton Downey Jr. was one of the worst talk show hosts of all time. He didn't just pave the way for Jerry Springer. His vulgar toxicity masquerading as moral righteousness paved the way for Rush Limbaugh, Fox News, and yes, Donald Trump. Like Limbaugh, once Downey died, we all forgot he existed because he brought nothing good into the world or any sort of lasting legacy. Which I hope happens to Trump when he kicks it. But Downey was one of the worst people back in the 1980's, making Roseanne Barr and Andrew Dice Clay look classy in comparison. I never thought I could think less of him. But as bad of a talk show host as he was, it's possible he's somehow actually an even shittier actor. I find that hard to believe to, but check this out. 0.

Hard Core: From Penthouse To Slaughterhouse: A Special Report

Here is why this movie sucks. This segment proves it. It essentially Downey doing his real-world shtick for a movie. Basically, the producers KNOW what Downey is, and what he represents, and give him a platform anyways, to normalize his bile in the minds of audiences. I mentioned Trump before. The Apprentice did the exact same thing. Granted Downey died soon enough after, so no real harm was ultimately done. But I recognize how damaging doing shit like this often is. And it pisses me off. 0.