Robocop (2014)

I have to admit, I am seldom careful in my reviews. My opinions are loud, obnoxious, and enraging to people who like the things I bash. I make SOME apologies for that, but the truth is my anti-b.s. about pop-culture is deeply ingrained in me, and there's little I can do about it. But I sense dangerous waters here, landmines ahead, I need to tread carefully, whatever the allegory for deliberately trying NOT to piss people off is. Just this once I'm gonna speak carefully.

I didn't like the first 3 Robocop movies. I liked this. I think it's a solid movie, the story and dialogue are better, and I feel like since it's not played as a huge joke there are actual stakes. Why am I reluctant to share that opinion? It's not a very strong opinion, to be sure. I LIKED the movie, but I didn't love it. Why does me liking that worry me?

Because if I WERE a Robocop fan. I'd be going into conniptions. And I recognize that. Which is why I need to be VERY careful with my praise. My praise involves a singular movie, which is how I review EVERYTHING. I try my best to review the project by its own standards. If it's part of a larger franchise, most people refuse to do that. I am able to however. And usually because I LIKE the franchise in question, I don't mind voicing a contrary opinion with everyone else. I recognize fans like different things.

The problem is since I'm not a Robocop fan, me saying good things about a movie that essentially wastes and shits upon the original films is gonna enrage some people. I feel your pain. I do. If I liked the old movies, and had been a fan of them for nearly 30 years when this first came out, I'd be ready for torches and pitchforks. I am essentially describing my review of Tim Burton's "Dark Shadows" to the letter.

To be honest, the reason I felt the old movies sucked is because they attempted to be "satiric" which I feel is a very subtle brand of comedy. Of which the films were not. They were using satire in a VERY broad sense, and their commercials and news reports were identical to Adam Sandler SNL skits. Whatever you want to call Saturday Night Live, calling it a satire is a fucking stretch. But I guess those dumb jokes resonated with people.

Do you know what else probably resonated with people? The fact that Murphy was essentially an emotionless shell who couldn't reconcile his memories with the fact that he couldn't feel. Murphy here has both his memories and his feelings. And the movie briefly explores him losing them, but it's not permanent, and without either that, the gory cartoony violence, or the dumb media jokes, It's Robocop In Name Only. Whether it's a good movie is almost besides the point. The movie bombed and fans rejected it because they knew it was just a relatively bland film latching onto a previously popular IP to tell its own story. I don't like that when it happens (which is my entire problem with "ThunderCats" 2011) and even if the movie or show is decent, it's failing the fandom because it doesn't care about it. The IP is how to get the movie made. Nothing else matters to the filmmakers, even if they put in a few Easter Eggs for hardcore fans. Because when you fail, or worse, IGNORE the premise, and the things that made the original project beloved and successful, nobody fucking cares about Easter Eggs.

So you ask me, this bland, popcorn flick is more solid than the first three poorly-written and acted films. But if it pissed you off instead, God, I get and feel that. Solid or not, it wasted the entire premise. 4 stars.