The Bourne Legacy

Hey, look, it's the sixth-billed guy from The Avengers! The one who sort of looks like a young Popeye!

Brace yourself. I am about to give that a shockingly negative review. Maybe that idea doesn't shock you, but it does me (and I'm writing the damn thing). I expected to be underwhelmed. I never expected I would outright detest the film. What kills me is that under most circumstances I'd give something that pissed me off that much zero stars and wash my hands of it. I can't do that here because the movie had a couple of interesting themes. I'll talk about them briefly before I utterly destroy the film.

The film is sort of a meandering mess for the first 45 minutes. But by having this be a "sidequel" to "The Borne Ultimatum", the viewer isn't constantly asking where Jason Bourne is. We already saw what happened with him when this film went down. This is stuff that happened in the background.

It's an interesting theme for sure to explore the idea that if Bourne blows up Threadstone, those jerkwads are simply going to kill all of their assets and agents in the field, and well as the scientists who knew about the program. Because the government in charge of this thing totally sucks and won't stop sucking even when Jason Bourne holds sunlight up to it. The consequence to Bourne doing that in order to get the answers he sought meant that many lives were destroyed that he had no idea about. It's not just that Bourne used to be an assassin which is why he isn't a hero. It's because he never thought to look at the larger picture and what the fall-out would be for others in his position.

Aaron Cross is kind of dull, but because he has his memory he still has somewhat of a personality, which is something Bourne always lacked, simply because he didn't know anything about himself.

Now I'm going to tell you why the film sucks ass and is one of the worst popcorn flicks I've seen in recent memory. I'm not as pissed at it as I was Avatar, but it frankly disturbs me far more. The movie has a scene of a mass shooting by a crazy guy at the science lab he works at. Did I mention this was supposed to be a popcorn flick? With a freaking mass shooting! That isn't entertaining, or even suspenseful! It's horrible, grotesque and outright obscene! I think the thing that grosses me out the most about something this traumatic occurring unasked for in a project I didn't expect it to: The MPAA, dishonest taint-weasels that they are, rated this movie PG-13. Even with a workplace shooting in it. I will never stop saying the MPAA is unfathomably corrupt and bordering on a criminal enterprise. The Bourne Legacy being rated PG-13 is all the evidence I need to back up that opinion. It's absolutely sick.

If I had known this franchise had a mass workplace shooting in it, I never would have started it. That's the thing that pisses me off the most. There was no warning for me having to sit through something that horrible. It pisses me off like nothing else.

So this is the worst Bourne movie. And Matt Damon not being in it has nothing to do with it. It's torture porn disguised as a PG-13 summer popcorn flick. The very idea sickens me. *.