The Karate Kid (2010)

It's not a bad film at all. It is competently made, and hits the proper dramatic beats. As far as remakes go, it follows the spirit of the first film rather than the exact story. But yeah, all the emotional beats are exactly the same. It's hard to envision this as anything but a remake, but if Mr. Han is gonna be in the new film, I guess it's technically possible this is simply an unrelated adventure to Daniel and Miyagi that coincidentally went down the exact same way.

I want to stress that this is not a bad film.

But for some reason it hits me entirely wrong anyways.

As far as being problematic goes, I prefer Mr. Han to Mr. Miyagi because Mr. Miyagi really indulged in Japanese stereotypes and broken English. Han is like an actual guy instead of this mythic wise Asian Master, a step below Sainthood, if not Godhood. So that's an improvement.

But the movie makes me uncomfortable as hell. Basically when I saw it was produced by Will and Jada Pinkett Smith I was like "This feels cringe already." The Smith pushing their kids into Hollywood Superstardom, with zero input from audiences, always made me nervous. It feels like the worst version of parenting imaginable. I have soured on the documentary "Quiet On Set", but every single person in that doc said they would NEVER allow their kids to become actors, especially child actors. The Smiths forcing their kid into this is why Hollywood was very uncomfortable with the Smiths. The open marriage didn't help things, but that was never my idea of an emotionally healthy family.

And you know when it came to sort of pushing Scientology in After Earth, and stupid damaging shit of that nature, the Smiths were always on thin ice with me. The problem was Will Smith sold movie tickets. He could do whatever the fuck he wanted as long as he put butts in the seats. If he wants to exploit his kids, Hollywood will allow it. It was in its financial best interest to do so, which is fucked up.

One of the interesting things about the infamous Oscar slap is that nobody in Hollywood took Smith's side. And people otherwise might have. I question Will Smith's anger at Chris Rock's gross comment about his wife, because he was laughing UNTIL he realized he was on-camera, but the truth is that was shitty joke on Rock's end. It's was personal, offensive, and indulging in looksism. Didn't Chris Rock do an entire film about Black women's hair? That makes his cruelty there unforgivable because it seems deliberate.

But nobody defended Will Smith anyways. Because that family has been making their personal problems, Hollywood's problems, literally for decades. I would be inclined to say "Will Smith stuck up for his wife when it counted" if I didn't believe it was all an act and for show. The reason nobody gave the Smiths the benefit of the doubt for the Oscars, even though Chris Rock is a cruel asshole, is because they did shit like having Jaden sing back-up vocals to Bieber's Never Say Never during the end credits of this film. It's like "Enough."

While we are on the touchy subject of Black hair, when Meiying asks to touch his hair, I cringe. That is a realistic thing for an unheard of Black kid to go through in China, but it's ugly, right? I think the thing that kills me is her breaking off their friendship at her father's insistence. I was like "You asked a Black man to touch his hair, and he let you, despite how embarrassed and offended he probably was deep down." There is no reason for him to have to apologize to her while that is true. That being one of the first things she does upon meeting him says she in no way has ANY part of the high ground in their friendship and never did. She should be apologizing to HIM damn it.

I understand why the film decided "Hey, wouldn't it be neat if the Karate Kid, was actually , you know, a KID?" But the brutality of the bullying and the fighting is much harder to watch when they aren't teenagers. Worst of all, I think Johnny Lawrence may have been a bullying asshole. But the truth is he had legitimate grievances against Daniel. I'm not buying the nonsense that Daniel was the real bully. But Daniel found himself in several compromising positions that were always going to rub Johnny the wrong way. Their feud is believable for that reason. And Kreese egging Johnny on in the tournament to cripple Daniel is especially interesting because Johnny doesn't want to do it. It's too far. Cheng however spend the entire film being a merry sociopath, and if he pauses at Li's instruction there, it's more likely because he's wondering how it can go down that way and he won't get in any serious trouble. He's chomping at the bit there otherwise.

Yeah, the film using actual kids is NOT an improvement.

For the record Dre is sometimes funny, but unlike Daniel, I don't find him admirable. He refusing to pick up his coat for his mother because "I'm tired," is the most selfish and stupid lazy excuse a person can give for that. It's nice it turned into this movie's version of the muscle memory sequence, but I recall one of the most refreshing things about Daniel is that he had a wonderful (and rare for films) good relationship with his mother.

To be honest, Dre's mother doesn't impress me much either. When the kid is clearly getting beaten within an inch of his life on a daily basis, and he says he HATES it there, and he wants to go home, a better parent than she is would at least consider it. Not necessarily go through with it, or not help her son through this trial, but she wouldn't dismiss the idea out of hand, upon seeing those bruises. As far as family plans go, it would Be On The Fucking Table. Her telling him they have nothing to go back to in Detroit is so much parental bullshit. I don't think much of her.

So I'm caught up for the big crossover sequel. Did I like or approve of this remake (which it turns out is a spin-off instead?). It's a competently made and performed movie. That I felt great unease and dislike for throughout almost all of it. 1 1/2 stars.