The Little Mermaid (2023)

Whenever I review one of the Disney live-action shot-for-shot remakes, the smartass remark I always return to is, "It's just like the cartoon you loved as a kid. If everything in it were just SLIGHTLY worse." Nobody ever asks for a slightly-worse remake that rarely strays from the source material, but that what the remakes boil down to. In reality, each one that is greenlit is nothing more than a cynical cash grab by Disney. So my claws are out and I'm ready to shred this.

It would a HELL of a lot easier to rag on the film if it weren't so damn likable. I wasn't crazy about most of the new songs, but I thought "Scuttlebutt" was pretty cool, and reminded me a bit of the raps in "Hamilton". And oh, hey, lyrics by Lin-Manual Miranda. Crap like that makes it VERY hard to dislike the film.

See also Jodi Benson's cameo. The film was treated with major skepticism for Halle Bailey's casting as Ariel, and I would hope just having Benson present, passing the torch and giving the project her blessing, would cool down some of the outrage.

And there WAS outrage at a Black Little Mermaid. I was ambivalent about the casting myself, but after seeing the movie I got the logic. Most of the animated set-pieces are, say it with me, slightly worse than the cartoon, none more-so than "Under The Sea". And I feel like casting a black singer allowed the film to have Ariel belt out "Part Of Your World" as A Diva And A Boss. I wouldn't go so far to say it's better than the animated version of Jodi Benson's more wistful take. But I also refuse to declare it worse. And honestly, I love that there is a second reprise after Eric's rejection that is a lament. That is a good idea.

The 2 hour and some odd minute runtime concerned me initially. The cartoon is a pretty lean and mean hour-and-a-half long, and I feared we were in for some padding. Maybe even some that would made the toddlers in the audience squirm and fuss. Honestly, I feel like the extra runtime was good. I feel like the romance between Eric and Ariel feels more developed for one thing. One of the failings of the cartoon is that Ariel and Eric both seem so damn stupid during the entire thing. We are essentially rooting for a couple of total airheads winning Love Connection from the 1980's. Making the feelings gradual and real instead of random (as well Ariel rejecting Ursula's initial offer) makes the characters seem more believable. As does the fact that Ariel doesn't yell at her father that she loves Eric despite never having actually met him. Which is like the weirdest thing ever if you sit down and think about it (and actually kind stalkerish and creepy on her end in the cartoon).

And the cartoon ending on a wedding is the wrong ending. The remake ending on a peace treaty feels better. The extra time also gave this film a better sense of closure and wrapping things up.

If you had asked me who should have played Sebastian in a live-action remake, Daveed Diggs would have been my first choice, and look, there he is. Pretty sneaky, sis.

Melissa McCarthy as Ursula strikes me as stunt casting but at least she can sing.

The way Ariel tells Eric her name isn't exactly credible, but it's a helluva lot more credible than him subliminally absorbing a message from a crab he shouldn't be able to understand.

Speaking of which, I thought Ariel supposedly lost her mermaid powers in this one? So how is it she can still understand Flounder, Sebastian, and Scuttle?

The fact that Eric is coincidentally a hoarder, and Ariel has this expression on her face like, "This guy was made for me," is a way the longer runtime helped.

I also appreciated the brief scene back under the sea where Triton is upset Ariel has gone missing and has no idea where she went. A bit surprised that never came up in the cartoon that she essentially ran away for three days, and her overprotective father never worried about where she was, especially since the last time he saw her they got into the worst fight of both of their lives. Again, good for the extra runtime.

Louis the chef isn't present and neither is "Les Poissons". I loved Louis back in the day, but in reality, he was neither here nor there, and sort existed to give the kids in the audience a crowd-pleasing lowbrow cartoon comedy set-piece. And I appreciate he made the climax more exciting, and his callback made the ending feel satisfying, but still, he was never necessary and felt completely extraneous.

Here's a controversy to ponder. Is the fact that Ursula's human guise that of a white ingenue who has stolen Ariel's voice and identity an allegory for cultural misappropriation, and a critique at white artists who steal the sounds and rhythms of Black artists? Or is the parallel I'm suggesting a huge coincidence on the film's end, and something that great happening is because it turns out the Universe simply appears to be randomly awesome? Discuss amongst yourselves.

I would love to trash talk this movie. And if it sucked, I would. But I really dug it. 4 1/2 stars.