The Man With The Golden Gun (James Bond 007)

That had a SHOCKING amount of problems. Now unlike Roger Moore's first outing, it's not completely worthless or totally terrible. But at points it very much feels like it is.

I said I'd give my opinion on Roger Moore in a movie that didn't suck ass. This movie sucked thigh at the worst, so I can go there.

Moore is too old to play the role, especially with the young women he does. I think Pierce Brosnan's age was a factor too, but they sort made the Bond girls a little bit older to compensate. With Moore it's like he's robbing the cradle. But.. but.... the truth is the actor may be older, but nothing about the role has changed. But I am very aware that Moneypenny, who as still played by Lois Maxwell, is now essentially an old woman, and seems to be a bit resentful that her actress has aged over the span of a decade, and as far as the story goes, Bond has not. She and Bond were a genuine possible flirtatious 'ship in the first couple of movies. The idea that she's now too old for Roger Moore is a bit depressing, and I see why her character has turned bitter.

The other major change for Roger Moore is actually a good thing. Call me crazy, but I don't think either Sean Connery or George Lazenby were as conventionally movie-star handsome as James Bond was supposed to be. Connery played the part perfectly, but in my mind he never quite LOOKED the part. Moore does, and so did Pierce Brosnan later on.

So I guess we talk about the movie now. It started off interesting enough, and really leaned into the fact that it starred Christopher Lee with the horror motifs and psychological torture aspects in the teaser and the climax. But man, this movie quickly lost its way on SO many levels. This will be a longer Bond review than normal because I have so many things to complain about.

The worst part about the movie is the VERY unwelcome return of Sheriff Pepper (and his newly-met wife is nearly as bad). I talked a bit about how much I loathed this character in the last review, and what depresses the HELL out of me is realizing he is probably only back, (and so soon) because audiences in the 1970's must have loved him. What a depressing thing to realize. To realize THAT is this era's version of fan-demanded character. It's embarrassing is what it is, and on some real level it makes me regret starting the franchise. I don't like being considered a part of ANY fandom where a character that stupid and loathsome is considered a high point. Regardless of Bond films past this or before it, if that's true, your franchise probably sucks deep down.

There is an actual cartoon slide-whistle as the car jumps the bridge. Actually think about that for a minute.

And Bond's lechery has just gotten TOO obnoxious during Moore's tenure, at least so far. Can somebody explain to me the difference in subtext to how easy it is for Bond to have sex with whoever he wants, with a porno? Really, what is the difference there, other than we don't actually see much? In reality, it's that unbelievable, and stupid, and yeah, toxic. And while we're on the subject of porn, no movie could ever show a dude kissing a woman's bare stomach and get a PG rating in 2022. Hell, you couldn't even do that on a PG-13 rating. I have noted how unfathomably corrupt MPAA ratings are in the past elsewhere, but frankly that specific thing should NEVER have passed muster with the MPAA, even back then. I'm not a prude, really. I'm just saying that specific thing should not be seen by kids. And yeah, I feel the same way about pornography. Remind me of the differences there again?

I think the low point for Bond in the movie, and so far the franchise, was him kicking Goodnight out of the bed and stashing her in a closet while forcing her to listen to him have sex with another woman. After she's justifiably pissed for being in that closet for two hours being forced to listen to that, Bond actually says, "Don't worry, darling, you'll get your chance." I mean, is this crap for real? Did people used to actually think this was okay? Jesus.

The Chinese karate portrayals were all pretty harsh, ugly stereotypes, and Nick Nack was offensive on behalf of little people everywhere. And his reappearance at the end is SO dumb. What does he gain from trying to kill Bond after all that at all? So frustratingly stupid.

And has any critic pointed out that there isn't a REAL crisis for Bond to solve? The Man With The Golden Gun doesn't actually seem to want to even kill Bond at first. We learn he was never contracted to hit him at all. and by the end it's clear he fanboys Bond, and would prefer it if they became friends. No real tension in the movie.

I'll tell you a quick moment that bothered me. When Bond takes off in the car with the Japanese schoolgirls, Goodnight seems jealous. That bothered the frak out of me. Does Goodnight actually consider these girls a sexual threat to her? If she does, that says something EXTREMELY ugly about James Bond. Full stop.

I can't fully dismiss the movie. I think this was Bernard Lee's finest performance as M so far, and the parts of the climax that didn't involve either Nick Nack or Pepper were solid. But the main problem for me with this movie is it highlights glaring faults the franchise probably always had, but I was previously willing to shut off my brain and overlook. A Bond girl who actually knows him believing Bond had pedo interests is just the tip of the iceberg there. The movies raises ideas about the porn scenario of the premise I would have been happier if it hadn't.

In closing, that was a mess. And really disturbing in places for me. **.