Superman (2025)

I try not to have expectations of movies and TV shows going in, and this is especially true of stuff from a big franchise, but damn it, I had some going into this! And they were largely colored by how much I hated Creature Commandos and Peacemaker. From what the media and critics were saying Superman was a sunny tonic to dark and troubling times (and those gross shows). The right pitched a fit for this very reason. The dictator being a Trump stand-in says I should have loved this movie. I totally expected to, it to be the highpoint of the new DCU, and that it would all be downhill from here.

I mean I guess I LIIKE (most of) it, but shit, those positive vibes liberal pundits have been chiding conservatives for missing out on? I don't freaking see it. I knew this movie would not be breaking any kind of mold and be a truly positive film experience once they got to the stuff with the harem. That is fucking AWFUL, and I'd ask what DC is thinking, but a similar what the fuck question to ask is why have James Gunn write and direct a Superman movie and put him in charge of DC movies and TV at large in the first place? Goddam that rape shit is SO fucking ugly, and unnecessary, and done just for shock value. Why the FUCK should that be in a Superman movie? Explain to me like I'm stupid how that shit is supposed to work. I'm pissed.

And the Russian Roulette thing? Jesus Christ, does Gunn have mental problems?

And the bummer thing is, even if neither of those two things were present, I would not love the movie. It's all right, better than Man Of Steel and Superman Returns (although being better than Man Of Steel is NOT an actual lift or a brag), but I dunno, Clark's interview with Lois sums up my problem with David Corenswet's Superman. He's a whiny emo asshole. I get that he's still new at this, but still, there ought to be a wisdom attached to Superman. This was something the recent TV show Superman & Lois got with Tyler Hoechlin, and every time Superman spoke to the media there, you wanted to tear up just based on his innate decency and wisdom. And I have to say Superman is NOT the right character to make an emotional Work-In-Progress. They didn't even do that on Smallville, and Clark was pretty stoic the entire way through.

I will say this about yet ANOTHER take on Superman. I think we have enough healthy and hearty Superman actors now that we can dispense with the notion of the Superman Curse. George Reeve died of a mysterious gunshot wound! Christopher Reeve was crippled and died young too! Dean Cain suffers from debilitating and clearly visible brain damage (and he won't ever let us forget it)! I'm just glad Superman has become an average acting role instead of a superstition.

This Lex Luthor sucks. Not as much as Jon Cryer, but he sucks for the same reasons. There is no nuance to him. And this is a failing of DC Comics in general. Very few Luthor interpretations outside of the DC Animated Universe, Smallville, and Superman & Lois ever portray Lex as anything but a total monster.

Lex is screaming, "How did he escape?!?!" Why, Lex the same reason Superman wins in all the OTHER continuities where you have no redeeming virtues! You treat an employee you cannot afford to alienate or lose like utter shit and they realize it's safer to stand against you. Lex constantly doing a total bastard thing to prove to the audience what a total bastard he is is always the thing to bring him down. And it's like "You cannot tell me Lex Luthor is a genius and one of the five smartest people on the planet," while he is doing something that dumb. Repeatedly.

Smart people treat their employees well. Especially if their plans hinge on their loyalty. Lex Luthor is either a fucking moron, or Gunn is because this is his idea of a smart person. 50/50 on either theory.

The idea that Lex Luthor needs to be the most evil guy who ever existed is just fucking stupid. You can make the same complaint about modern Batman writers and the Joker, but the truth is Joker fits into the evil incarnate mode far easier than Luthor. Not just because the Joker is never portrayed as a genius (as least not by intellectual standards) but also because he's a dangerous criminal and Lex is doing all of this crazy horrible shit out in the open while he's supposedly an upstanding member of society. It doesn't work.

While we are talking politics, it's not realistic everyone would turn on Superman upon seeing that footage. That's not how people work. Fuck, half of society wouldn't turn on LUTHOR at the end either. The idea that the public is reasonable and can be swayed by new information is a fairytale that history has never borne out.

I thought Mister Terrific's scene of defeating that whole army singlehandedly was... terrific. Which is bad. Superman didn't have even ONE Crowning Moment Of Awesome that came NEAR to that. And that's a big freaking problem.

Loved Supergirl's cameo at the end. I doubt I will like her movie, but learning Krypto was hers made Clark's antipathy towards him make sense.

Clark being comforted by scenes of Ma and Pa Kent at the end was at least the right moral.

Nathan Fillion was almost wasted as Guy Gardner. He's great, and it's not going to be the last time he's in the role, but he feels like an afterthought in a way Mister Terrific didn't.

What exactly is it about Eve Tessmacher that Jimmy Olsen finds so problematic? Is it her clinginess? Because if I had a girl who looked like that she could cling to me and never let go as far as I'm concerned. I do not remotely understand or sympathize with ANY of the "Can you believe this chick?" faces he makes. Oh, yeah, Jimmy, spending an ENTIRE weekend having sex with that knock-out seems like SUCH a chore and a hassle. I SO pity your schlubby ass there.

Kudos to the film for neither of its tags setting up future stuff. Believe it or not, it's all right for a movie to have a beginning and an end. I just paid to get through this one. I don't wanna have to worry about any others.

Ultimately, I feel the need to circle back to the Lois and Superman interview. Superman is NOT a character designed for character growth. Like Wall-E, he is a character who (done properly) is already in his set persona the entire time. If anyone grows in a Superman project it's the people around him. The cartoon "My Adventures With Superman" tries to subvert that idea by making Clark neurotic, but he's already Superman, and the show isn't fixing to make him less so as time goes on. That's the appeal. So whether they are intending to or not, they are following the "Keep Superman in his set persona from the beginning of the story to the end," anyways. I don't feel James Gunn really understands the character. And you know, the truth is, not every writer does. I couldn't write a good Superman story myself. But what he did instead was change the character to suit HIS writing and film tastes (including rock songs in the end credits). Which means he's the wrong guy for this movie and DC in general.

I hope I am wrong that this is the highpoint of the DCU. Because Man Of Steel made more money at the box office, and the fact that it did NOT get the amount of repeat business it needed to dethrone that utterly shitty film is quite worrying. Maybe I wasn't the only one underwhelmed by the film. Maybe the sunny reviews by liberal critics were less about the film's quality, and more about sticking up for what the character of Superman ultimately stands for. Yes, Superman saying he is human is a great moral for the ultimate fictional immigrant. But that doesn't make the film itself great. Maybe those pundits were simply hoping it did.

But harem and Russian Roulette shit. No, I'll give it a modestly positive grade, but I expected to (and frankly should have) loved the film and I didn't. 3 1/2 stars.

The bird poo stuff was gross, but otherwise I would be willing to watch a TV series done in this animation style. 3 1/2 stars.

Gag Reel

Pretty good. The fact that Isabela Merced accidentally calls Superman Spider-Man proves that for most of these actors, superhero movies are just a paycheck to them. 3 1/2 stars.

Deleted Scenes

Only a couple of minutes were deleted from the film. Some of the cuts are interesting. Overall: 3 1/2 stars.

Bedroom Kiss

Sweet. 4 stars.

Lombard In T-Craft

This was probably deleted because James Gunn realized this movie isn't actually The Naked Gun. 2 1/2 stars.

Mister Terrific And Krypto

This is funny, but doesn't actually go anywhere. 3 1/2 stars.