Star Trek Tie-In Books and Novels

I was disappointed. Not to say that the book doesn't deliver what it promises (all the best quotes of Star Trek up to the end of Deep Space Nine's Sixth Season and Voyager's Fourth). But because it reminded me that there are actually few clever lines on Star Trek I admire, and most of them are from Deep Space Nine, and about half of those are Garak's. I dunno, I wish Star Trek was a franchise with better dialogue while Sherwin was attempting this.

For a lot of this I am reminded of shit I HATED, specifically from TNG's "Symbiosis" and "The Bonding". I guess quotable Star Trek has nothing to do with GOOD Star Trek. If I had written this that would have been the bar. Of course the book would be a lot shorter, and while on some level that might be for the best, the truth is, as far as tie-in books go, this is a relatively FUN, fluffy one, and I get the need to pad out a book fans are actually gonna like and be able to shut off their brains for.

But I'm like Bernadette Anderson. I judge all the quips and one-liners by their merits, and unless you are getting Garak snarking about how awesome lying is, it's not Star Trek's best known quality.

The irony? Reading all this makes me realize the Kurtzman stuff is usually better at the quips. Okay, stipulated, Garak only showed up for an episode of Lower Decks, but if you take the pansexual tailor out of the equation it's true. It kind of frustrates me and makes me think this book needs a sequel / update.

For that matter I'd get updated versions of the Star Trek Encyclopedia and the Star Trek Chronology in a heartbeat. Could you even imagine what the Okudas would do with the Kurtzman stuff AND The Kelvin Timeline stuff? Holy shit! They'd be explaining away all of the plotholes and continuity snarls like it was their freaking job! Because, oh, yeah, it WAS! Star Trek REALLY needs to bring them back. They, along with Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens are the surviving behind-the-scenes Trek creators that ought to be brought back into the loop. Take my money, Pocket Books!

I mean, "Shut up, Wesley!" is one of Star Trek's most quotable lines (poor Wil Wheaton still has it shouted to him at airports) but it's pretty fucking galling to see it listed as such in print. But you know, the book wouldn't be complete without it. But it's still fucking depressing. Sheesh.

Also room for "Brain, brain, what is brain?" Seeing that in print made me realize this was the wrong franchise for this.

Unlike most Star Trek nonfiction books, it's an easy read. But I'm the nerd who enjoyed reading through the Encyclopedia and the Chronology cover to cover.

Have I admitted that elsewhere? A good question to ask me after me saying that is, "Are you actually insane, Matt?" Nah, the answer is I read The Silmarillion as a young adult. Cover to cover. Once you've done that, you have proven you can read anything. The Chronology and Encyclopedia were no sweat compared to that. I'm tempted to read through the entire Bible just for kicks, knowing I could do it, but I'm resisting the idea because I have the sneaking suspicion it would unfathomably depress me. But talk about what a brag that would be! And a great way to win online arguments with conservatives. But I sense it would emotionally wreck me, so nah.

You know what? For a fluffy Star Trek book, THIS one depressed me a bit. When it came to reading a light and fun Star Trek book, the Federation travel guide was WAY spiffier. 3 stars.