Disney / Pixar's Elio

You might argue granting the first wish would help with the second, but I'm not so sure. I found the film only so-so, but other people who saw it really enjoyed it, and my misgivings are probably more down to me being an unfair crank than anything else. And even if I were right and they bothered making this a five-star movie on every level, I think it probably still would have bombed. After this bombed the heads of Pixar were all, "Nobody wants to see original stories anymore, so we're gonna be doing mostly sequels from here on out." And that sounds correct (which is depressing). I do believe audiences' tastes have probably devolved to that point. Basically every aspect of our society has devolved, so why wouldn't our TV and movies be hitting Peak Idiocracy too? And I wish the film had been a success to stave that off awhile longer.

Regardless of whether I like it or not (and I MOSTLY didn't) it was good for Pixar. I don't mean good by Pixar standards, but good in the sense that it was outside of most Pixar, which is necessary. I believe Pixar's early successes (and you can level this at Dreamworks movies too) was due to the fact that their films were entirely premise-based instead of story-based. The gimmick was always more important than the characters. But Luca pleasantly broke that trend, and to a lesser extent Coco did too (premise-based, but not entirely, and also amazing) and I would like animated films to actually be worth a damn and not based on either goofy one-sentence ideas or dragged along the box office finish line due to the star power voicing the characters. This film admirably ignored both trends, and whether or not it's good doesn't even really matter. I like it deciding to be an actual fucking movie instead of goddam punchline starring Chris Pratt and Zendaya. Damn, I don't actually want much.

And no, it's not a great movie. It's super predictable on every level. Normally, I don't penalize films for that, but it's predictable in the wrong ways, rather the right ones. That being said, the thing it has in common with most predictable movies is it ended correctly. And by the fucking way, that's no minor virtue. In the past I have totally forgiven an otherwise shitty movie for ending right. And the movie's not shitty, and the ending isn't just right, it's above average compared to other cartoon movie endings.

As far as protagonists go, Elio is pretty fucking emo and annoying. The biggest problem for me is the lessons he is forced to learn about love and family by the end are things the audience already knew. I don't mind organic character growth. But it's a bad freaking sign when the audience is ahead of the character about that one thing the entire fucking time. Especially if it's the most important thing.

Also, I expected the eyepatch to be a bigger story thing than essentially a temporary band-aid. It exists for two reasons, one small, one big. The small reason is it facilitates a gag proving the Elio clone isn't human. The big reason is the unusual look it gives the character is super toyetic, and bound to sell a ton of merch than if he didn't have it. Kind of cynical when you get right down to it.

It's never specified, but I'm thinking the reason Gragon knows the clone isn't his son Glordon is because the clone wants to be in the armor and Glordon doesn't. I really think it might have been rewarding to make that a bit more explicit.

Melmac is both the name of Alf's home planet, and what it was made of. I'm betting I'm dating myself on the second observation. Fuck, ALF probably dated itself on that bit too (in the friggin' 1980's!).

I think it's wonderful, appropriate, and magnificent that Kate Mulgrew is the voice of the Voyager Narrator. For a movie that leans so heavily into Star Trek's future optimism, that is pushing the correct celebrity button. Best of all, nobody's putting Kate Mulgrew on the marquee thinking she'll sell theater tickets. Just like nobody ever wanted to see Smurfs: The Lost Village because Demi Lovato was voicing Smurfette. Pixar is better at casting than most animation studios. Not perfect, but it does better than Dreamworks, Blue Sky, Illumination, and even Walt Disney Animation Studios.

I don't particularly like the movie (although I liked the ending) but I sure as hell approve of it, and I think movies are going to be worse going forward for audiences refusing to watch an animated film with a straightforward story. It saddens me on some level, but me being me, it also kind of pisses me off too. 3 1/2 stars.

Galactic Gag Reel

You hear "Gag Reel" from Pixar, certain expectations are set. This didn't meet them.

And yes, there IS some new animation footage of the outtakes being said by their characters, but they are actual outtakes by the actors, instead of fake stuff with the Pixar characters acting like themselves in an actual movie. It's the second thing that's actually funny. 3 stars.

Deleted Scenes

I feel like these nearly completed scenes reveal most of the movie was entirely scrapped and reworked late in the game. That makes me think less of the film and the filmmakers. Overall: 3 stars.

Bike Chase

Kids speeding on bikes in a sci-fi movie gives me E.T. vibes.

This was almost certainly cut at the last minute. All the animation has been completed. 3 1/2 stars.

Garden Party

This raises questions, and none of them good.

So Gragon was not initially the villain. All right. Movies change. The thing that bothers me is how far along in CGI animatic it is. Usually if you see a scene like this, it's in the roughly animated hand-drawn stages, usually with stand-in actors for the voices. This has the actual voices in the movie and is completed enough to tell me that the producers had so little faith in the movie that they totally rewrote it after it was already halfway animated, which is a bad sign. People who have seen this movie love it. Perhaps a larger reason for my personal discomfort is the movie didn't really seem to be offering a moral and theme it firmly believed in. And if the movie just rewrites itself completely after having animated this much of it, that's probably the right gripe. 2 stars.

Carver Legend

Another scene too far along to comfortably suggest cutting it was a strength.

It's almost entirely completed, and not only was Elio's clone's B-story in the film STILL completely reworked (he spends time with Olga, not the kids at the camp) but his personality is entirely different as well. This type of change is not done by a movie whose producers have a clear vision. This is messy, paint-by-numbers, made-by-committee shit.

Fun Fact: The characters of Trish and Kyle were entirely deleted from the final film. A little girl character might have been nice. 2 stars.

Questa's Second Test

I believe this is one of the only deleted scenes present that was cut for the right reasons. Weirdly, as it only made the hand-drawn animatic stage, it was cut early on.

The directors are right that it's actually a good scene, and also right that its themes are better explored when Elio is with an actual friend. 4 1/2 stars.

Home Visit

Another hand-drawn animatic scene. 3 stars.