Wicked (Part 1)

How do I respond to that? I have no satisfactory answers.

Because the movie was split in two.

I can call that a mistake as an audience member all I like. It is what it is. What it means however, is that there is absolutely NO fair way for me to judge the movie or its extremely topical, and yes, POLITICAL themes. If I had seen the play and was viewing this as a good or bad adaptation, it would be different. But this is the first time I've seen the material AT ALL, and I could be entirely misreading the intention behind it. People who have seen the play might in fact scoff at me for getting it so wrong. This is not a case where I can have fun speculating about an ending nobody else knows about. Fans of this book and play DO. And I could be entirely wrong in not only everything I predict, but in the movie's entire intentions.

Let's get the big stuff out of the way. How is the movie? It is great. It is powerful. It is interesting.

And I didn't remotely enjoy it. At all. On a very real level every bit of it is horrible.

The most recent live-action movie musicals I've seen to compare this to are Wonka (which was an entirely original production for the screen) and Hamilton (which was a concert film of the play using the original Broadway cast). I enjoyed both of those productions immensely. And yeah, Hamilton had some dark themes, and history KNOWS it had a dark ending. It was still fun on some level, and I enjoyed every bit of it. I enjoyed nothing in this film.

And you know that seems to be by design, and sort of the point.

The film has achieved an impressive amount of rightwing outrage for its supposed "Wokeness" in casting a woman of color as Elphaba. Forget the fact that her skin is painted green. Apparently hiring any person of color in a Hollywood role, even in a role that has race blindness built into it, is unforgivably Woke. And I mentioned the film is overtly political. And it is, and much more than I am comfortable with. But the truth is, it's only as political as it is because the rightwing has decided what it's showing is unflattering to THEM. Which frankly, if I recognized myself in this specific allegory is not something I would be rushing to take ownership of. The way things are today, The Muppet Movie would be derided as Woke Leftist Propaganda for unfairly maligning kindly Business Tycoon (and job creator!) Doc Hopper, who clearly has Kermit's best interests at heart when ripping his legs from his body, frying them, and eating them. One of the reasons I dislike the politics of this film is that taking a moral stand against evil did not used to be a political statement at all! That was very much a bipartisan value we used to all claim to share. And just talking about it is pissing me off. Yeah. Hardest review I've ever had to write. Hands down.

I read all of Frank L Baum's original Oz books on Kindle a couple of years ago. And I noticed a couple of things: They are all shit. The original movie being wonderful was an amazing achievement considering how shallow the the source material was. I also noticed that back in the early 1900's, society's morality was entirely different. And let's face it, the same is true for the movie, even though it came 40 years later. The truth is there is an ugliness and built-in corruption and evil woven into the very fabric of Oz. Whether it's forcing the people to wear green tinted glasses to convince themselves their city is made of emeralds, or the Wizard being a charlatan the entire time, there is something wrong with this "magical" place. And perhaps nothing exemplifies that more than the otherwise wonderful first movie having characters burst into a merry song about the death of an unpopular, disliked woman. The opening number here demonstrates exactly how and why that is fucked up.

And here is the uncomfortable part of the review where I have to speculate. The fact that Glinda at the beginning calls Elphaba "Wicked" suggests this asshole learned nothing from what has happened to her. Despite her showing glimpses of humanity, she remains the cruel, vain, sadistic, hot-mess garbage-fire she started out the movie as. Fans of the play know whether Elphaba actually had a legit heel-turn or not, or if Glinda is just full of shit, and the Wicked Witch was the good guy in The Wizard Of Oz, and just got a ton of bad press.

My guess (and feel free to snicker in disgust) is that I find the heel-turn the less likely scenario. Honestly, I would prefer it on some level. Because there is NO fucking way to NOT hate Dorothy Gale for killing the corrupt Wizard's enemy for him, just on his say-so, just to get her heart's desire. And damn, that seems to me to perhaps be the point.

And for every rightwing YouTube neckbeard disgusted that Cynthia Erivo is Elphaba, because it's shoving a Woke agenda down your throat to have a Black woman play a green woman (yes, this is the actual argument) the fact that somebody talks up her Black sister as having the right skin color is precisely why the casting is not just right, but perfect and genius.

Oz is a fucking pit. Everyone is purely evil to Elphaba for NO goddam reason, and all show a level of open bigotry even modern-day Americans would not currently recognize as remotely normal. The mistreatment of the animals isn't just bad because their agency and value is being taken away. But because we're literally watching them torture animals, and hearing them put out an APB at the end for Elphaba and her intrinsic "Wickedness" for seeing that and saying, "Nope. Uh uh."

Dorothy didn't arrive in a wonderful, kind land that she freed the gentle people from a Wicked presence terrorizing the populace. She arrived in a fascist dictatorship and instantly choose the sides of the oppressors, based upon the, I shit you not, joy of the song over the dead woman she accidentally killed. Also doesn't seem to raise to big a fuss over her mission to kill the Wicked Witch, even though that's murder, she has no actual dog in the fight, and only agrees for a selfish reason. And that's a valid take on not just the movie, but especially the book and its shitty sequels.

Another provocative thing is the idea that Glinda has known Oz is a conman the entire time, and STILL insisted Dorothy go to him. Sort of puts every single bit of "help" she gave the kid into question. Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I find an actual Elphaba heel-turn unlikely, and considering how she was the ONLY character willing to stand up and do what's right at the end, inappropriate in this scenario.

Fans of the Broadway musical can laugh at my foolish "guess". Don't tell me if I'm right or wrong, please. I want to find that out for myself when the conclusion arrives.

You know what? Fiyero seems okay too. I have a feeling a major part of the conclusion will be this dude getting killed by something either the Wizard or Glinda did, and Elphaba being blamed for it. Because creating enemies that don't exist is easier than examining one's own sins. Another guess you can feel free to make fun of me for later.

Jeanette MacCurdy, who I adore for her autobiography "I'm Glad My Mom Died", hinted that she sincerely hated Ariana Grande, and thought she was a bad person. Like, I GET it now. Even if she's only putting on a performance here, if this is even CLOSE to how her other characters on her trashy Nickelodeon kidcoms operated, I'd fucking hate her too. Some people are good at playing assholes because they are gifted actors (Jason Hervey from The Wonder Years springs immediately to mind). Some people are good at it because they are actually assholes. That's the vibe Grande-Butero gives me. She's a little TOO comfortable here. Not saying I would have preferred a worse performance. But I probably wouldn't have wound up loathing any other actress who gave one as much as I do Grande-Butero here.

How are the songs? Let me be diplomatic. They meant nothing to me. Considering how instantly both Hamilton and Wonka won me over with their soundtracks, that's a little disturbing. That being said, the best songs from the musical "Cats" (Macavity, Mr. Mistoffelees, and Memory (Full-Length Version)) occur in the second half of that musical. I have no reason to doubt it's possible Part 2 is where the actual showstoppers lie.

Here is the thing that drives me crazy. The whole thing is essentially a comedy. That's probably why it's popular. But there's just SO much dark and horrible shit happening I don't find ANY of it funny. I didn't laugh a single time. But it's probably why it is as popular as it is. I am afraid to point out to the rabid fans that this movie fails its biggest supposed selling point.

That review was hard as hell to write. Rereading it makes me see its actual quality and insights are only so-so. Considering how blind I am flying with this movie and it's unseen conclusion, I suspect that's the best that can be expected. Sorry about that, folks. 4 stars.

Deleted Scenes

The movie is already too long and there was SO much stuff cut anyways. I know I could not have sat through this in the theater. If all of this had been in the final cut I never would have made it. Overall: 3 stars.

Pfannee & ShenShen Meet Glinda

I'm betting this was cut because the producers (correctly) reasoned you already hated these three characters enough. 2 stars.

Shiz Gazette Introduces Fiyero

I am aware the portrayal of Shiz Academy in the film is deliberately lame and cringe. But I think the producers wisely realized if you lean TOO heavily into that, you lose credibility for everything else. This was TOO arch and unrealistic. Even for a comedy musical about The Wizard Of Oz. 1 1/2 stars.

Toss Toss

I bet if you talked to the director about why this was trimmed down they'll claim it's a time cut. Movie's long, this scene does not need most of this to function.

Okay, I might buy that. But I DO need to point out this purely comedic scene is not remotely funny. Maybe if it were, they would have kept more of it. But it's not like the rest of the movie is funny either. 2 1/2 stars.

Elphaba & Fiyero In The Forest

It's an adorable scene, and the FX are all done. Clearly a last minute time-cut. 4 stars.

Elphaba's Promise

It's a long scene, obviously a time cut, but I would have liked to have seen it in the movie. Elphaba suggesting magic is hard for Glinda because her life is easy, and she never needed it, feels like it should have been in the final film at some point. 4 stars.

Train Platform Farewell

This seems to be grinding our nose into how much Elphaba's father sucks. It's not like it wasn't already wildly evident. This strikes me not just as overkill, but overly cruel too. Even for this film.

The establishing shots are just storyboards here. 1 1/2 stars.

Boq & Elphaba Talk

I feel like Boq is a character the producers dropped the ball on. And yet, despite this 2 minute scene having more of him in a single conversation than anything else in the film, I don't think it actually does him any favors. Considering that fact, and how long the scene is (and the movie wound up) no wonder it's deleted. 3 stars.

Train Ride To Emerald City

This is a truly nice and wonderful scene. It's long so it was probably cut for time. But it's wonderful.

Which is why I'm glad it's gone. I hated EVERY rare wonderful scene in the movie, because I not only knew it was impermanent, but it always gave Elphaba a false sense of complacency that poor woman could never afford. Sue me. When it comes to this film, I don't like Nice Things. 3 1/2 stars.

In The Emerald City

Interesting but easy time cut. Maybe if they had actually revealed the Wizard's origins, or even hinted at them, there would be a reason to keep it. 2 1/2 stars.

Palace Monkeys Chase

Educated guess about why this exciting scene, which would have upped the tension and the stakes in the climax to terrifying levels was cut: The movie chased the PG rating. If they added this, the MPAA would have stuck them with a PG-13. Which sort of makes me annoyed at the producers. Don't you understand how unfathomably corrupt the MPAA actually is? Hand them a wad of bills under the table and they'll give you any rating you like. I'm miffed the climax is less exciting because the producers took the MPAA's threats of a PG-13 seriously and at face value. Everything is negotiable for that wholly immoral cinema mafia group. They are one step above a criminal organization.

You think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. Or if I'm wrong, I at least believe it, and would pass a lie detector when saying it. 5 stars.

Trailer

Trailers are rarely this long (nearly four minutes!) but it's awesome, so I'll forgive it. That being said, it gives too much away at the end. Deducting a star for that. 4 stars.